A couple of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with my colleagues about life in general. As expected when relatively young people gather together the topic of discussion must enter relationships and marriage. Eventually, I was put on the spot and on my colleagues asked me what do I want from my future husband and marriage? Feeling like a someone who has thought deeply about what I want out of life I began my epistle (as a talkative). I launched into my speech of how over time I have matured and realised that the only thing I really want from my husband is commitment and genuine love for God and marriage rooted in God. In my opinion, a man who truly loves God and is committed to growing in and following God will most likely be focused on being/trying to be faithful, responsible, loving, kind, patient, committed and all the entire list of virtues we want in our life partners. Anyway, after my speech, another colleague who was part of the conversation, looked at me calmly and said “you have not answered the question.” I was taken aback and I looked at the colleague who asked the question and he agreed. I thought about it and had to agree. My colleague has asked what I wanted from my future husband and marriage not what I wanted in my future husband and marriage. The question was about my expectation. What did I want? My answer was just an indication of what I really wanted. I took a few seconds and it came to me. I wanted security not just from my husband and marriage but from in everything. That is all I have ever wanted from life. I had never put it in such simple terms before. All I wanted out of life was security. That desire is for security is what gave rise to my first response. To me a husband and a marriage rooted in God was something I could trust in, rely on and would in essence it would give me security, a sense of certainty about my future in that regard. I was stunned. I began to reflect on all the choices I had made, my thoughts/attitude about certain matters and realised that they all reflected that need. Even my piggybank move is a fallout of that need. I gained a deeper understanding of myself and the things that drive me as a person that day and in some ways a greater level of freedom.
You may be tempted to generalise that all men want security in life however, I beg to differ a bit. Yes we all want some level of security and certainty but some people value security more than others. Some people want security is some specific facet of their lives and are frankly unconcerned about other areas of their lives. For example, some people may want power, so in their case a quest for wealth is not for the purpose of financial security but the power it can give them. Another instance are those who are driven by a need for independence. They often beat a path for themselves and chase the “entrepreneurial dream” or find it difficult to function in a team/group setting because they are driven by that innate need to do things for themselves.There is a wide range of potential life drivers such as social acceptance, need for risk/challenge, wealth, etc
So… what do you want? Do you know? Think about it. You just may be surprised by the answer.
Until next time.